Top Seven Reasons: Why Living At Home Sucks

As I approach the second year mark of crashing on my mom's couch, I decided to reflect on my time here. Don't get me wrong -- I appreciate my mom's generosity. I really do. And without her, I'd be sleeping in my car. She took me in after swearing she wouldn't (That's what moms do). And even though it's been a burden on everyone, the situation hasn't been as bad as it could have been. But just because I appreciate my mom doesn't mean I can't complain about it.

1) What is Privacy? Living at home means that privacy is non-existent. Everything is a free-for-all. Everyone listens to everyone else's phone conversations. You have something sitting in a bag? Well, someone is going to go through it. And the worst part is that my brother's friends dig through my things too. Nothing is sacred.

2) What's Mine is Yours and Yours is Yours. Heaven forbid I touch anything of my brother's in this house. But, all my stuff is apparently fair game to him. This is a very touchy subject in my house so I'll just leave it at that.

3) Thank God I'm Not Dating Anymore. Mike doesn't count anymore. He's the boyfriend. And he has to deal with my family. But, I couldn't imagine trying to date new people. I definitely wouldn't be able to bring anyone back to my place - especially since I live on the couch. And, when I used to date, it would be a constant, "Where are you going? Who are you going with?" It's a little weird to explain to mom - "Well, I'm meeting a man from the internet for a date."

4) Revert Back to Childhood. When you get my brother and I together, we immediately act like we're children again. I'm 24 and he's 17, but you would never know it from how we act together. Not like it's always a bad thing, but he's always trying to wrestle with me. And, it was fun when I was bigger than him, but now that I'm smaller than him - that shit hurts!

5) No Incentive. There's little to no incentive to try to leave because there's that safety net. If I didn't have my mom's kindness, I definitely would have found a different job by now. But, I can take my time because my mom isn't kicking me out anytime soon .... I hope. Why work hard when you can hang out?

6) What Happened to Saving Money? The whole point of crashing here was to save enough money to get back on my feet. But, then I went on a vacation. And another vacation. Because I don't have rent to pay. That extra money just flies away. Which is a big reason why I'm really buckling down on budgeting this year so I can finally move out.

7) Oh, the Resentment. This is not an all the time problem, but it flares up occasionally. Sometimes, my brother gets mad that I get it easy. I'm not paying rent and I'm taking up space. And that upsets him. I totally get it. Sometimes my mom gets mad about it. I totally get it. And it makes me feel terrible that they resent me. But, what are you going to do?

Living at home is honestly great ... sometimes. I get to see my family everyday. I don't have to pay rent. I'm in my neighborhood. But, I really do want to get on out of here. Two years is an incredibly long time to squat in someone's living room.

Top Ten Ways to Be the Worst Blogger.

1) Don't use Twitter.
Reaching out and connecting with other bloggers is overrated. And using it as a tool to promote your posts -- as if! Twitter is time consuming. It's not like you can schedule your posts via websites like Hootsuite to post for you while you're at work.

2) Never post pictures.
Readers will connect better with huge blocks of text without any visual distractions such as pictures of your dogs, babies, and food. Describing them in full James Joyce detail will go much further than actually showing your readers what you've been up to.

3) Never comment.
Don't comment on other blogs. Why should you help out other bloggers? This is a dog-eat-dog world! They won't return the favor anyway. And, if someone should comment on your blog, definitely do not reply. It adds to your mystery and will attract more readers. Nobody wants a meaningful connection with the blogger they've been following.

4) Blog design -- white text on an aqua background.
Your readers should have to work to see what you wrote. Don't make it easy for them or their eyes. If they really want to see your post, then they'll do the legwork for it.

5) About Me's are overrated.
As I mentioned earlier, you should be a mystery to your readers. They don't need to understand who these people are that you're blogging about. They'll figure out who your husband is after you mentioned "Joe" multiple times in one post. And as for new readers, they'll eventually get the gist of who you are after a few posts.

6) Ditch the calendar.
Never use an editorial calendar to help you plan your posts. Why should you keep track of things? Or plan? You'll figure it out.

7) Don't write anything down.
If you have an idea, don't write it down! Try really, really hard to remember it. It'll totally come back to you when you're sitting down to write out that post. I promise.

8) Do everything yourself.
Resources? Psh. Ignore those. If you see posts from other bloggers about their favorite blogging resources, don't bookmark it. It won't help you. You can find your own blogging sites. And, it's not like you need any tips from other bloggers. You've got this thing down to a science.

9) Pinterest won't help you.
Pinterest isn't going to drive any traffic to your blog, so don't even bother pinning your posts there. And since you're already avoiding pictures -- you don't have to bother making "pinnable" pictures. And, if you have a food blog, don't put any "Pin It" add-on's onto your site. Readers will save things to their bookmarks instead.

10) Don't join any communities.
This blog is all about you! Why are you joining communities of other bloggers? Tip #8 clearly states you need to do this alone. These communities won't offer you help or friends or great opportunities to meet people or make money. No good can come of joining blogging communities. If you wanted to be apart of a community, you wouldn't have started blogging in the first place.

What If I'm Actually A Morning Person?

Based on my inability to wake up in the morning, I've always assumed I was a night owl. Even though my old job required me to wake up at 4 am, I am practically dead to the world until I've had that first cup of coffee. But lately, I've been questioning my assumption. What if I'm actually a morning person?

Here's the mounting evidence that I just might be a morning person:

1) My creativity is at an all-time high when I first wake up. Yeah, those first 30 minutes are rough and I can barely form sentences, but after that - I am golden. I actually make drafts on Twitter because I feel like I'm the funniest. I think of some of my best blog post ideas. But when I go to write them at night, I don't feel like I'm able to give them the justice they deserve.

2) Nothing is better than knowing I have the rest of the day to accomplish things. This is an obvious. There's more day left when you wake up earlier than opposed to rolling out of bed at the crack of noon. When I wake up late on my days off, I almost don't want to bother getting out of bed because I feel like the day has already been squandered by sleeping in.

3) Sunrises are better than sunsets. This is a fact to me. Anyone can see a sunset, but not everyone gets to see the sun rise (And usually I don't because I'm inside working when it rises).

4) I run faster in the morning. And then, I'm more awake for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, when I usually run, I'm so exhausted that I'm just going through the motions. But when I run in the morning (something I rarely get to do), I really reach my goals.

5) I feel more productive in the day. I feel like I can get so much more stuff done in the morning than at night. Night is the time for relaxing, hanging out, drinking. In the morning, there's a sense of urgency to everything. In high school and college, I used to wake up early to finish my papers because I knew I wasn't going to get anything done at night. Some of my best papers were written when I'd wake up at 4 am.

Just because I'm usually awake in the evening doesn't mean I'm a night owl, I think. As my schedule begins to change, we'll see if these things still hold true. Are you a night owl or a morning person? Let me know in the comments!

2014 READING LIST.

One of my resolutions is to read more so I need to start having ideas ready for what I'm going to read next. Here's my list of books that I plan on reading this year. Obviously, this is not the complete list and I'm open to suggestions. You can tell I'm really into non-fiction, but I'm fairly open to any suggestions you have.

1)The Bully Pulpit by Doris Kearns Goodwin -- There is a Teddy Roosevelt movie in talks based off one of her books - much like Lincoln. So, I have to read this one before the movie. 

2) Because I Said So: The Truth Behind the Myths, Tales, and Warnings Every Generation Passes Down to Its Kids by Ken Jennings -- I read Maphead last summer by Ken Jennings and I really loved his writing style. Super easy to follow, funny, and full of facts. I'm excited to read another book by him.

3) This Town: Two Parties and a Funeral - Plus Plenty of Valet Parking in America's Gilded Capital by Mark Leibovich -- Remember when I wanted to be in politics? Yeah, some side effects still remain and wanting to read this book is one of them.

4) Lean In: Women, Work, and The Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg -- I've heard mixed things about this book and I want to check it out on my own.

5) The Greater Journey: Americans in Paris by David McCullough -- David McCullough is one of my favorite history writers. I heard him talk about this book on NPR a year ago and I've had it on my list ever since. This is finally the year I'll read it.

6) Elephants on Acid and Other Bizarre Experiments by Alex Boese -- If the title doesn't give you a reason to read it then I don't know what else could.

7) Shrinkage: Manhood, Marriage, and the Tumor that Tried to Kill Me by Bryan Bishop -- I loved Bald Bryan on the Adam Carolla show and I remember when he was first diagnosed with his brain tumor. This book doesn't come out until May, but I look forward to reading it. Bryan is a smart guy and I'm sure his book will be great.

8) The Elegant Universe: Superstrings, Hidden Dimensions, and the Quest for the Ultimate Theory by Brian Greene -- I saw Brian Greene speak at an event last year with Bill Nye and Neil DeGrasse Tyson. I've heard good things about his writing style -- that it's fairly simplistic and makes sense to people that aren't scientists.

9) The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt -- I've seen this book repeatedly on Best Books of 2013 lists. So, I figure why not see what the hype is all about.

10) Slimed!: An Oral History of Nickelodeon's Golden 

10 THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME...

Things have been crazy lately and not in the good way. Remember how I said July was a terrible month? Well, August wasn't spectacular and September hasn't started in the best ways. I'm trying to make the best of it and make sure I spend time focusing on myself -- how can I take care of all my loved ones if I'm not taking care of myself? But that means that this little blog of mine has been neglected. I know, excuses.

I want to make some time for my blog and hopefully get some more posts ready, but that'll have to happen this weekend (Hopefully, I can find some time because my handsome and amazing nephew is going to be visiting all weekend!).

In the meantime, here are some things you didn't know about me...

1) I hate strawberries. Apparently, this is appalling to some people, but guys -- more strawberries for the rest of you. I'm not a huge fan of strawberry-flavored things either, but I will drink a few Strawberry Lime-A-Ritas.

2) I am suuuuuuper near-sighted. Without my glasses/contacts, I can barely see right in front of me. It's terrible. I've actually been wearing glasses since I was 7 years old.

3) I won't watch scary movies and I certainly do not go through haunted houses. Halloween is my least favorite holiday because I'm constantly scared that I'm going to see something frightening. After watching The Ring in 5th grade, I slept on the floor of my mom's room for 2 weeks afterwards. I slept with my lights on after watching Saw 2. I don't do well with scary stuff. Yeah, it's fake and I know that, but do I really know that?

4) My family confuses people. I grew up with a really small family -- primarily my mom, grandpa, and brother. Over the years, my mom has accumulated a lot of friends that have become family. My Aunt? Totally not my mom's sister. My other siblings? Totally not actual siblings. It confuses a lot of people, but saying, "My aunt" or "my cousin" or "my brother" is a lot easier than explaining the actual relationship.

5) I have only had one job. I started at my job at 16 years old and I am still there. Crazy, I know.

6) My first concert was N'SYNC. I was in the 5th grade and it was the best experience ever. We sat in a box. Pink and Sisqo (of the Thong Song fame) were the opening acts. But seriously, just being in the same arena as Justin Timberlake is still a highlight for me.

7) I am terrible with movie quotes. How the hell do all men remember every line of every movie they've ever seen? And I can barely remember the jokes from Futurama that I've seen 100 times. Don't try to talk to me in movie quotes because I just won't get it.

8) I am surprisingly punctual. I have to really try to be fashionably late for things. The worst is that all of my friends are always late for everything so I spend a lot of time just playing Sudoku on my phone waiting for them.

9) I drink my coffee black. This one freaks people out. The other day, someone asked me what was in my coffee and I blankly stared at her and responded, "....Coffee?" Everyday, I brew my own coffee and then when I get to work, I throw in an ice cube and drink it. That's about it.

10) My boyfriend and I met ... in college. Or that's the easier way of explaining it. I guess maybe we met because I would go get drunk at his house with his roommate and watch tv there and he would show up after work and join. And then we went to New York together. And then, two years later we finally got together.

Alright. 10 things that you probably didn't want to know about me.

SIX THINGS I AM LOVING:

I love lists. And I love things. So, here's both of those...combined!

1) Candy Crush. Love? Hm. I guess sometimes. This game has become the bane of my existence. If you are not playing right now, DON'T DO IT. You will get sucked in and lose the will to do anything else. Until you run out of lives. Then you will sit and beg your friends to help you like an addict.

2) Thinking about Breaking Bad. Apparently, we have to wait until August 11th for the last part of the final season. I have all the feelings about this show and I am on the edge of my seat for the finale.

3) My boyfriend. This is a given, I guess. But he's been so awesome lately.

4) My new running shoes! SERIOUSLY. These bad boys have cut down my mile time by probably 3 minutes. I had no idea how much my old shoes were holding me back. I feel like I'm running on air now. 

5) Matching bikes! My boyfriend bought us matching bikes -- that we haven't even had the chance to ride yet because we need new tires and the tires have to be specially ordered and ... it's a whole thing. But, I'm so excited to wake up early on the weekends and ride around Tempe Town Lake with him. 

6) Losing weight! Since I started counting calories about three weeks ago, I've lost 8 pounds! I'm so proud of myself and I feel so accomplished. Even though I've had some slip-ups (example: Vegas), I feel like it's a lifestyle change and that makes it a lot harder. I've been going to the gym a lot too and I'm excited to keep losing those pounds, man. 

What are you loving right now? Let me know in the comments! 

10 THINGS THAT ... MAKE ME HAPPY.

Doesn't everyone love lists? I know I do. So, here's a list of other things that make me happy.

1. Pizza - and quite frankly, any kind will do. Good. Bad. I don't care. Gimme all your pizza. When I was a little girl, my mom would always get veggie pizzas and I used to HATE (and am still weird about) cooked vegetables. So, I would just like, scrap off all the toppings of the pizza and basically eat bread with sauce and bits of cheese. AND I STILL LIKED PIZZA. And when I found out you could order it how you wanted it - LIFE CHANGED.

2. Walking back from a good run -  The sweat dripping. The soreness. That feeling of accomplishment. Is there anything better?

3. Back rubs - I am not a fan of being touched (This list of things that make me happy is quickly becoming a "I like this, but I also HATE THAT" list. Oh well!) - but I will make an exception for a back rub. Always.

4. The way my fake keds look with a pair of skinny jeans - oddly specific, but I love it.

5. Making my nephew laugh - It doesn't count if I witness someone else making him laugh. I need to be responsible for it. I think this applies to all children. I don't care if someone else makes them laugh or smile, but if it's me, holy shit. I am impressed I'm not breaking them.

6. Being cold and curling up in a bed with covers - I don't care that I have to wriggle around for another 10 minutes to get warm or that I end up like a little burrito with the covers. That is the best feeling - the coldness will end soon. You don't feel that way when you're hot.

7. Emojis - How did people communicate pre-emoji? I refuse to relive those dark days.

8. CHEESE - I love cheese. A lot. I am very particular about my cheese too. Havarti is meant to be melted. Muenster is for your crackers. But keep that pepperjack away from me.

9. When hot food is HOT and cold food is COLD - I am the girl that puts her sandwich in the freezer to keep it cold while I get my drink ready. I have also been known to just give up on meals that aren't the right temperature. Potato salad just made? Go away. I want you to be around 40 degrees Fahrenheit.  I also get up in the middle of a meal to reheat my food because I'm slow at eating and it stops tasting good when it gets cold. Okay. I'm just really picky.

10. Brunch - What else is better than breakfast food and alcohol with friends? NOTHING. NOTHING.

What do you love? Let me know in the comments!

FAVORITE PLACES: New York

I'm heading off to New York today and here are some of my go-to places while I'm there.

- Best Pizza? Pie by the Pound.
We went here originally because it has Gluten-Free options. And, holy shit. It was amazing. I wanted to just move in. The owner was really nice and talked to my friend about being a celiac. It was a great experience. Great food. Good selection of beers and ciders. I cannot wait to go back.

- Best Mac n Cheese? S'Mac.
When we first got into New York, we were starving. We headed over to S'Mac because yes, they too have Gluten-Free options. But, amazing. The line was so long, but the food was worth it. I couldn't even finish my food even though I tried.

- Must See Bar? McSorley's.
This place is amazing. We walked in and they asked us what we wanted to drink. I asked the bartender what they had. He said, "One beer. Light or dark." They give you the beer in two mugs - so mandatory double fisting. We only had one drink there because even though it was the middle of the afternoon, the place was packed.

I'm also looking forward to eating a bagel from just about anywhere and seeing the Harry Potter exhibition.
Any suggestions for other places I need to visit in New York? Let me know in the comments! 

HOW TO: Avoid Getting Sick

I have an exciting week coming up - tomorrow, I get my nephew and on Thursday, I'm going to New York. So the last thing I want is to get sick. But, I've been working so much and the weather keeps changing that I got that tickle in my throat on Friday.

Not trying to jinx myself, but I feel great and here's why: 

1. Gargle Warm Salt Water 

This one sucks while you're doing it, but the moment I get that tickle (And you know the one - the one that's telling you you're about to get sick), I warm up some water, add some salt, and then gargle. 

2. Cold-eeze

These are disgusting. My mom always tells us "They're not meant to be candy." It's marketed as a "cold prevention" and I'm fairly sure it's just a super dose of vitamin C. Oh well. Whatever it is, it seems to have worked its magic. 

3. Vitamin C 

During the winter, I always take vitamin C pills, so I just stuck with that. Especially in Arizona with the weather changing so rapidly, it's worth it to invest in. 

4. Water

Drink lots of water. Over the weekend, I always had a cup of water next to me. 

5. Sleep

I wish I could follow this advice, but I've been working so much that sleep wasn't in the cards for me. However, if you're starting to feel sick, going to bed early is always helpful. 

Now that I've saved everyone from those winter to spring colds, I want to talk about BlogGo. 

This app allows me to post directly to my Blogger blog from my iPhone. It's available at the iTunes Store and I cannot recommend it enough. 

I just wrote this post using BlogGo and t was incredibly simple to use. Check it out! 

Facts About Me.

1) I played the cello for seven years. 

And I was actually pretty good at it. I went to a few Honor Orchestras and I even made it to the All-State Orchestra one year. And, I have the pleasure of being able to tell the story about the time I almost pooped myself on stage at Boston Symphony Hall.

2) I was a cheerleader.

People actually don't believe this one until I pull out the pictures because I am not the cheerleader type. I have a perma-bitchface and I am usually moping around about something. But, I actually loved cheerleading when I was young. I loved getting to march in the parades and I even made the drill team. I ultimately quit when I was in 5th grade because it got in the way of playing the cello.

3) The best night of my life was meeting Jeffree Star.

Does anyone even remember Jeffree Star? Internet royalty. Doesn't matter. My friends took me to Jeffree's show in downtown Phoenix as a birthday gift for my 17th birthday and we danced ALL night to ridiculous songs. I got to meet Jeffree and he said, "It's hot in here. Like a sauna." And in typical Kaileigh-fashion, I said, "OH MY GOSH! I KNOW!" and then we took a picture.

I have a copy of this picture in a frame somewhere. I wish I was kidding.

4) My little brother is 6 years younger than me.

I don't really have a fact about this goober, but my brother is awesome and I just wanted to include him.   He's 16 right now and he's such a dweeb. Our favorite bonding activity is 

5) I don't watch movies, but when I do, I remember them line by line.

This is apparently a really annoying trait to have. Someone will say, "You remember in Scott Pilgrim?" And then I have to say, "Haven't seen it." Most conversations about movies end with me saying, "...Haven't seen it."

Unless it's Clerks. I have seen that movie so many times that I can recite the entire movie. 

Getting Back On Track.

January was actually a great month for me. I was able to reconnect with my friends and I had a lot of fun.

But... I spent a lot of money, skipped out on running, have a huge mess of clothes, and I feel like my overall plans have been slipping away.

In February, I need to get back on track.

- Find that budget again.
Depressing. I know, but I went a little wild.

- Run and walk.
My run one day and then walk the next day routine quickly morphed into "Run when I can for at least 15 minutes." I would go four days without running and then I would get incredibly depressed and then wonder why.

-  Laundry.
I have piles of clean clothes that just need to be folded. It's getting ridiculous.

- Clean up.
In addition to all those clothes, my desk has become a dumping spot for everything. I usually put everything away soon after throwing it on my desk, but I can't even sit at it right now.

- Read.
I was doing so well with reading and now I just keep getting distracted.

- Blogging.
I used to write out my posts on Sunday night and then get everything ready to go on Hootsuite so I could have it all tweeted out throughout the day. Not anymore and I want to get my posts ready so I can work during the week and not worry about it or feel bad when I don't post.

I need to be able to find a balance between having fun and getting my life in order.

Why Kanye West is the Greatest Human Alive.

Anyone that knows me is aware of my Kanye-obsession.

Sometimes, I just randomly blurt out, "Kanye West is a lyrical genius" or "Kanye West is the greatest human being ever."

No, seriously, I say these things on a regular basis, much to the chagrin of people around me.

I just wanted to round up some of Kanye's best lyrics to prove my point - that Kanye West is a lyrical genius and thus the greatest human alive.

1) "Got staples on my dick. Why? Fuckin' centerfolds." - Illest Motherfucker Alive

GET IT? GET IT?

2) "Have you ever had sex with a pharoh? I put the pussy in a sarcophagus. Now she claiming that I bruise her esophagus." - Monster

He just used sarcophagus in a rap song. And made a reference to him having a huge penis. GENIUS.

3) "Hey Mona Lisa. Come home - you know you can't Rome without Casear." - Flashing Lights

I was listening to this song with someone and he got angry at this lyric and he yelled at the stereo, "YES YOU CAN! YOU CAN ROME WITHOUT CAESAR."
But there's a double meaning. Rome/Roam. Get it? GET IT?

But, the best part about Kanye is that he knows he's the best though.

source.

A Collection of Google Search History. (Don't Judge Me.)

I got a little bored the other day and went through my history of Google searches. Here are some that I thought were particularly funny.

- "Amanda Bynes twotter crazy" - 12/30/12 - 5:30 pm

I really missed Amanda Bynes that day. Does anyone else remember her insane tweets? I also learned from that search that she does not have a publicist. But, I already knew that.

- "why isnt there tiny tower for kindle fire?" - 12/20/12 - 4:20 pm

This quickly turned into a mad search on "How to root Kindle Fire." For the record, I did not root my Kindle Fire and I am still upset about Tiny Tower.

- "alvin gentry looks like a bass" - 11/30/10 - 12:03 am

I don't even know?

- "Joe Scarborough" - 3/12/11 - 11:50 am

This was the time I met Joe Scarborough and I googled him to confirm that it was indeed him standing across the room.

- "dress up as dumbledore" - 7/6/11 - 10:17 pm

I like that I had to google this.

- "penis to put in friend's mouth in picture" - 9/17/11 - 9:22 pm

I know exactly what I was looking for. An image of a penis to photoshop onto pictures of my friends. I think I was mad at someone. I thought it would be hilarious. And it would have.

- "olive hands" - 11/9/11 - 12:23 pm

I don't even want to explain this because I think it's self-explanatory. 

The Worst Things To Say to ANYONE.

Sometimes, people say things without realizing how incredibly rude their comments were. It's usually little things that aren't typically regarded as mean, but it leaves the person it's directed toward feeling terrible.
Here's a list of things you probably shouldn't be saying to people...

- I feel like this one is a given, but "When are you due?/How far along are you?" 
WITHOUT KNOWING FOR SURE THAT THE WOMAN YOU HAVE ASKED IS PREGNANT. I know it's tempting to rub the belly, but unless you have all the facts concerning that belly, don't say a word. I've seen it happen to a lot of women and it ruins their entire day to have someone ask about their food baby.
Trust me. It's for the best.

- "Smile."
Oh, shut up. This one usually comes from men, but I've had a few women say it to me too. It usually happens when I'm washing dishes at work (Seriously) or when I'm walking down the street. And, this comment is followed up with a "Oh, it's not that bad." How do you know?
I don't smile on command and I've never met anyone that just smiles when told to. And if anything, it just makes me grimace and pisses me off to no end.
Don't tell people what to do with their bodies.

- "You look tired."
I maintain that this is just a way to tell someone they look terrible. I never tell people they look tired because it's a glorified way of saying, "You look like shit."
I wake up at 4 am every day, so I hear this one a lot and it always grinds my gears. I woke up before the sun came up and if I don't have my entire cup of coffee, of course I'm going to be tired. We both know how I look so just keep it to yourself.

- "Are you going to eat ALL that?"
Unless you're my brother and you plan on stealing the food off my plate (which has been known to happen), my food does not concern you. Anytime you comment on the amount of food someone is eating, you have just ruined their entire meal and/or day.
Other unacceptable variations include, "Man, that's a lot of food" and "Who are you sharing with?"

I admit. These are small things, but they can easily ruin someone's day. Be conscious of your words because you can very easily hurt someone's feelings.
And don't tell me to smile.

TV Episodes To Watch While You're Down.

Without fail, there are some episodes of shows that make me happy - no matter what terrible things are going on in my life.

5) Come On, God, Season 2 Episode 8 of Louie
The bag of dicks. It gets me everytime. And the end. I feel incredibly awkward when he's in the hotel room with the anti-masturbation girl, but everything else makes up for it. And plus, I love Louie.

4) Slap Bet, Season 2 Episode 9 of How I Met Your Mother.
The beginning of the Slap Bet. And most importantly, Robin Sparkles. How many times a day do I sing "Let's Go to the Mall?" A lot.

3) Good Grief, Season 2 Episode 4 of Arrested Development
Sometimes, it's good to see other people in pain to feel better about yourself. And what's better than seeing George Michael do the Charlie Brown walk of shame?

2) Reincarnation, Season 6 Episode 26 of Futurama 

This episode always makes me cry laughing. The characters of Futurama are reimaged in three different types of cartoon styles: old school, old school video game pixels, and Anime. And, it's hilarious. 

That's what I look like while I'm watching it. 

1) The Fight, Season 3 Episode 14 of Parks and Recreation

Drunk Ron Swanson. Drunk everyone. The introduction of Janet Snakehole and Bert Macklin. Jean Ralphio's raps that don't rhyme.

This is a flawless episode.

How To Tell You're Not An Adult When Everyone Says You Are...

Just because you're over 18 doesn't mean you're an adult. And just because you're 23 with a college degree doesn't make you an adult. Here is a list of things that are clear indicators that despite your age, you're still not an "adult" (whatever that means)...

1) It's a Saturday morning/Sunday morning and you're curled up on a couch and the world is spinning around you. Do you want to get up and try to puke or continue to lay on this couch (that definitely isn't your's) and hope that this feeling passes? And while you're laying on that couch, real adults are getting ready for brunch. Or hiking. Or things. I can't even tell you what they're doing because I have no idea. I am on that couch with you.

2) You've seen every episode of every show on Netflix multiple times. I lost track of how many times I've rewatched The Office. But, you're really getting your money's worth of your Netflix subscription. Real adults go see movies. In theaters. You just illegally download movies and watch them curled up in bed, nursing a hangover or crying.

Also, your friends use that Netflix too. There are at least 8 of you using one Netflix account because $8 is a lot of money and if someone else can afford to pay for it, then you need to mooch off them.

3) Crying is a regular thing.
At work. In the car. At the bar. On a boat....you get the idea.

4) You have no idea how your friends have so much money. Are they secretly pimps or something? How do they afford everything? You didn't eat lunch for an entire week just so you could buy a bottle of cheap wine and you're barely able to afford anything else.

5) You don't own anything other than a bed and maybe a desk. Possibly a bookshelf. You're going to be totally lost when you move out of wherever you are. How do you even buy dishes?

6) You hate your job. Everyone tells you to quit because you come home and cry (see #3). Or you just complain about it all the time. You know you should quit. But the money is okay. You guess. (You don't even know how much money you should be making -- what is a salary?). So, you don't quit because you're afraid you'll never really find anything better.

7) Once a week, you have a day where nothing terrible happens, but it leaves you totally shaken and confused. You wonder "Who am I?" "What the fuck am I doing?"

8) People talk about "building a wardrobe." But, you still buy most of your clothes from Forever 21 or Target. You probably own one thing that has to be dry cleaned (or in my case, three! Does that mean I'm moving up in the world?)

9) To you, "making dinner" consists of a cheese crisp. And you're so proud of it, you even posted it to your Instagram. When someone you're dating says he/she can cook, you immediately jump at the opportunity for a meal. And whenever visiting your family, raiding the fridge for left-overs is a must.

10) You're in that weird in-between stage of post-college graduation and "real life" (Whatever that is). Part of you misses school because it was easy, but then who wants to do homework? People ask what you're doing and you have no idea.

11) Relationships are scary. If you're in one, you wonder, "Is this the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with?" If you're not in one, you wonder, "Will I ever get married?" Facebook is your own personal hell - engagement pictures make you wonder if you'll ever have that. And you constantly compare your life to everyone else's.

None of these things are terrible. Or even bad. Growing up is hard. And just because everyone thinks you're an adult, you don't have to be.
You're allowed to think all these things and still live on a couch. It's okay.
I hope.

Why Staying At Home Is Better Than Anything Else:

1) Clothing Optional.
When I'm at home, I don't have to wear pants or a bra or really...anything. If I want to sit naked on my couch and eat chicken salad, I can do that. If I'm out at a bar or over at a friend's place, I can't do that. And who wants to be out and be restricted by clothes? .... That made me feel like I'm writing a brochure for a nudist colony. But, hear me out, being almost naked at home is usually always better than being out and clothed.

2) No Hair and Make-Up.
The worst part of getting ready for a night out, at least for me, is doing my hair and make-up. It's so boring! I'm all alone in the bathroom with a curling iron and I just have to stand there and my only entertainment is making faces at myself in the mirror. If I stay at home, I don't have to go through that. I can put my hair up in a bun and be done. I don't have to worry if my bangs are done correctly because the television isn't about to judge me. And the best part, at the end of the night, I don't have to wash my face because it's already clean.

3) CHEAP.
Staying at home is much cheaper than going out. Even if you spring for that $6 bottle of wine (Yes. YES.), you've already paid for your entertainment (Netflix, internet bill, cable bill, etc.) and you've already paid for all that food in your freezer (Yeah, I'm talking about the shitty frozen pizzas you got on sale and you hate yourself for liking). Going out requires paying for parking or a cab, paying for overpriced drinks, cover charges, etc. You don't have to worry about any of that at home.

4) No Disappointments.
When you stay at home and rewatch every episode of 30 Rock (Hello last weekend!), you already know what you're getting into. Liz Lemon isn't going to disappoint you (except for this past season, she will then). Your friends will. Things will not go the way you want them to. Someone will cry. Someone might throw up. There will be a fight.
But.
Not with television.

So, don't feel bad about staying home with a bottle of incredibly cheap wine and ignoring the invitations from your friends to go out. You're the one that's having a much better night than they are.

Travel Planning.

Aside from actually being out, my favorite part of travelling is the planning involved.
I love looking for the best hotel deals, the places I need to check out, mapping out where I need to go, and essentially, reading up on where I'm going next.

In November, I'm making an East Coast tour - going to D.C., Philadelphia, and New York. And while all that is being finalized, I keep finding myself looking at driving distances between Arizona and other places I've never been.

One of my goals for my 23 for 23 is to travel to 5 new states and I can't wait to accomplish that goal.

So, here are my current ideas...

1. Portland, Oregon. I've definitely never been and I have a friend out there, which is always comforting when travelling to a new place. I could fly or drive - maybe. It would definitely depend on when I went.
2. Denver, Colorado. I don't even know very much about Denver other than I want to know more about it. This is is a definite drive trip and I could go through New Mexico on my way there.
3. Omaha, Nebraska. I've been thinking a lot about Omaha for some reason and I haven't even been listening to a lot of Conor Oberst/Saddle Creek/Bright Eyes lately, but I heard a Planet Money about how "hip" Omaha is becoming.
4. Seattle, Washington. Aside from Nebraska, I'm seeing what a west-coast centric list this is. But, living on the West, these are all places I feel like I could easily get to consider how broke I'll be after my big trip next month. Seattle is cool. People like Seattle. I want to see what the fuss is about.
5. Is there even anything cool in Utah? It's right nearby. There's the Four Corners - I'd be in 4 states at once. 

And of course, I'm craving another trip to California. Disneyland? The beach? San Francisco? It's been way too long. My last Disney trip was to World and it rained the entire time (And I wasn't happy about it). 

Mostly, I'm just thinking about where I can jump in my car and drive to - so I only have to worry about gas and hotel. 

Where do you want to go?

How I Would Have Ended The Office in Season 8 (Multiple Times)

I think my biggest problem with The Office started when Jim and Pam finally got together.
Will they or won't they was the reason I really liked the show in the beginning - because trust me, it wasn't because I could handle watching Michael Scott give me second hand embarrassment.

And then, they did. They got married, they had babies, Michael Scott left, and the show sucked. Season 8 was terrible.

But I still watched it.

And the entire time, I thought of ways that they could have immediately ended the show.
I recently rewatched it on Netflix (I really hate myself apparently) and here's how The Office could have ended....multiple times:

1) In Episode 6, "Doomsday," Dwight sets up this accountability system that basically is on the verge of getting them all in trouble with the new CEO - Robert California. Jim goes out to stop Robert from seeing the email (THIS IS A DUMB EPISODE).
Well, Robert should have gotten the email.
And closed the branch because they suck.

2) Episode 7 "The Replacement" - This episode is about Pam's replacement - Kathy. Pam is worried that Jim thinks Kathy is pretty (AND SHE IS). This plants the seed that Jim could cheat on Pam.
I would leave this episode alone, but include more of Jim looking at the camera and shrugging. "Is Kathy attractive?" SHRUG. AND END.
THE SEEDS OF MISTRUST SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLANTED.

3) In Episode 12, "The Pool Party," the entire cast goes to Robert California's house before he sells it for one last hurrah. Jim wants to leave to go home to his babies and Pam, but gets stuck drinking wine with Robert. When he leaves, he hits something.
HOW IT SHOULD HAVE GONE - Jim gets a DUI and goes to jail.
4) In Episode 16, "After Hours," Jim is on special assignment in Florida, without Pam but with the hottie replacement Kathy from Episode 7. In this episode, she will not leave him alone. She goes in his room and is very flirtatious - even taking a shower in his hotel room.
THEY SHOULD HAVE HOOKED UP. 

The show should have taken those seeds of mistrust that I wanted in episode 7 and had everything come to a head in episode 16. COME ON, WRITERS.

5) HAD JIM HOOKED UP WITH KATHY... they could have kept some of their episodes about Andy going after Erin (DON'T CAREEEEEEE), but the big thing would have been about Pam not knowing what Jim did and Jim shrugging a lot - JIM NEEDS TO SHRUG MORE. And it all could have come to a head in the season (SERIES) finale when Jim leaves Pam and Angela admits that it was Andy's baby ... or something. I don't even care. Or Michael Scott could wake up and IT WAS ALL A DREAM.

Or, in earlier seasons, when Ryan started the fire, he should have just burnt down the whole place so I would never have to have seen season 8.

That said, season 9 is very feisty and I like it.
BUT, I LIKE MY SUGGESTIONS MORE.

Why I Hate House Hunters .. and it's not because it's fake.

I think by now, we all know that House Hunters is fake.

If you didn't know, I'm sorry that I was the one to break the news to you, but it's been on Jezebel so I consider it old news by now.

After finding out the news (...or confirming my suspicions), I really didn't care. And I still don't. And I still critique the show like it's real.

- PAINT COLOR DOESN'T MATTER.
This is one of the most common complaints on the show. "Oh, I hate the paint color" or "COULD YOU IMAGINE LIVING IN THIS GREEN BATHROOM?" I watch HGTV - I see the commercials for how easy it is to buy paint.
It makes sense that it's fake and they use this because they need reasons to hate the houses they don't pick.
BUT, can you imagine being the friend that loaned out House #2 and have to watch your friends come in and talk shit about your nasty green bathroom?

- FLOORING.
"Oh, I hate carpet." RIP IT UP. Simple. These people act like you can't change anything about the house.
(SIDE NOTE: That show with the two brothers that look like the Road to El Dorado - whenever they show people a house - and I just want to point out that the premise of their show is that they do renovation so people can have their perfect houses - the people yell about how they hate renovation - THAT IS THE PREMISE OF THE SHOW).

- The realtor constantly saying, "They're just going to have to give up some of their must-haves if they're going to find a house in this price range."
OH SHUT UP.

- And then, the realtor always picks something WAAAAAY off budget. And then gets upset when the people aren't feeling it.
YOU KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

And a bonus complaint about House Hunters International....

- These people go to foreign countries and then complain that there isn't enough space or that the house layout is not like it was in America.
OK, ETHNOCENTRISM. SHUT UP.
You can't go to Europe and expect everything to be AMERICANIZED.
Those are the worst episodes and I actually refuse to watch Americans move abroad.

House Hunters is fake and that doesn't matter because it still infuriates me.