Top Ten Ways to Be the Worst Blogger.

1) Don't use Twitter.
Reaching out and connecting with other bloggers is overrated. And using it as a tool to promote your posts -- as if! Twitter is time consuming. It's not like you can schedule your posts via websites like Hootsuite to post for you while you're at work.

2) Never post pictures.
Readers will connect better with huge blocks of text without any visual distractions such as pictures of your dogs, babies, and food. Describing them in full James Joyce detail will go much further than actually showing your readers what you've been up to.

3) Never comment.
Don't comment on other blogs. Why should you help out other bloggers? This is a dog-eat-dog world! They won't return the favor anyway. And, if someone should comment on your blog, definitely do not reply. It adds to your mystery and will attract more readers. Nobody wants a meaningful connection with the blogger they've been following.

4) Blog design -- white text on an aqua background.
Your readers should have to work to see what you wrote. Don't make it easy for them or their eyes. If they really want to see your post, then they'll do the legwork for it.

5) About Me's are overrated.
As I mentioned earlier, you should be a mystery to your readers. They don't need to understand who these people are that you're blogging about. They'll figure out who your husband is after you mentioned "Joe" multiple times in one post. And as for new readers, they'll eventually get the gist of who you are after a few posts.

6) Ditch the calendar.
Never use an editorial calendar to help you plan your posts. Why should you keep track of things? Or plan? You'll figure it out.

7) Don't write anything down.
If you have an idea, don't write it down! Try really, really hard to remember it. It'll totally come back to you when you're sitting down to write out that post. I promise.

8) Do everything yourself.
Resources? Psh. Ignore those. If you see posts from other bloggers about their favorite blogging resources, don't bookmark it. It won't help you. You can find your own blogging sites. And, it's not like you need any tips from other bloggers. You've got this thing down to a science.

9) Pinterest won't help you.
Pinterest isn't going to drive any traffic to your blog, so don't even bother pinning your posts there. And since you're already avoiding pictures -- you don't have to bother making "pinnable" pictures. And, if you have a food blog, don't put any "Pin It" add-on's onto your site. Readers will save things to their bookmarks instead.

10) Don't join any communities.
This blog is all about you! Why are you joining communities of other bloggers? Tip #8 clearly states you need to do this alone. These communities won't offer you help or friends or great opportunities to meet people or make money. No good can come of joining blogging communities. If you wanted to be apart of a community, you wouldn't have started blogging in the first place.

The Worst Things To Say to ANYONE.

Sometimes, people say things without realizing how incredibly rude their comments were. It's usually little things that aren't typically regarded as mean, but it leaves the person it's directed toward feeling terrible.
Here's a list of things you probably shouldn't be saying to people...

- I feel like this one is a given, but "When are you due?/How far along are you?" 
WITHOUT KNOWING FOR SURE THAT THE WOMAN YOU HAVE ASKED IS PREGNANT. I know it's tempting to rub the belly, but unless you have all the facts concerning that belly, don't say a word. I've seen it happen to a lot of women and it ruins their entire day to have someone ask about their food baby.
Trust me. It's for the best.

- "Smile."
Oh, shut up. This one usually comes from men, but I've had a few women say it to me too. It usually happens when I'm washing dishes at work (Seriously) or when I'm walking down the street. And, this comment is followed up with a "Oh, it's not that bad." How do you know?
I don't smile on command and I've never met anyone that just smiles when told to. And if anything, it just makes me grimace and pisses me off to no end.
Don't tell people what to do with their bodies.

- "You look tired."
I maintain that this is just a way to tell someone they look terrible. I never tell people they look tired because it's a glorified way of saying, "You look like shit."
I wake up at 4 am every day, so I hear this one a lot and it always grinds my gears. I woke up before the sun came up and if I don't have my entire cup of coffee, of course I'm going to be tired. We both know how I look so just keep it to yourself.

- "Are you going to eat ALL that?"
Unless you're my brother and you plan on stealing the food off my plate (which has been known to happen), my food does not concern you. Anytime you comment on the amount of food someone is eating, you have just ruined their entire meal and/or day.
Other unacceptable variations include, "Man, that's a lot of food" and "Who are you sharing with?"

I admit. These are small things, but they can easily ruin someone's day. Be conscious of your words because you can very easily hurt someone's feelings.
And don't tell me to smile.