I firmly believe that St. Patrick's Day is the greatest drinking holiday of all time. We're not reflecting on the past like on New Years. Nor are we getting sunburnt on the Fourth of July. We don't have to create a costume like Halloween. Everyone has a green shirt in their closet. The weather is usually great and by this time of the year, we all need a drink.
Whether you're drinking to celebrate the Irish or drinking just because, here are a few drinking tips from an old pro.
Rule #1: Never Drink Anything Blue.
Nothing is as horrifying as throwing up something blue. Nothing. Except, pooping green. Which will happen to you if you drink one too many blue drinks. Nothing good ever happens when someone hands you a blue drink so stay away. Stick with more traditional shades of beverage and you won't be mortified in the morning.
Rule #2: If a Bar Only Exists When You're Drunk, There's a Reason.
We have a local bar that I swear only exists when I am drunk. I have never been able to see it in the cold, sober light of day. I drive on that road everyday and nope -- not there. But when I'm drunk, I am suddenly transported there. There is a good reason why and that is -- no sober person will drink at an establishment that smells like piss.
I think the moral of this rule is don't go there sober if you want to keep the illusion alive that it's a great place to be.
Rule #3: To Say It Is to Summon It.
We usually only use this rule when it comes to shots. Someone drops that S-word and suddenly there are shot glasses lined up and the Jameson is flowing. However, I'm going to expand this rule. If you say something is going to happen, it will. "I'm going to puke" -- and you will puke. "I'm going to fall" -- and you will fall. Keep this in mind when you're friend is telling you and you might be able to get there in an appropriate place.
Rule #4: Live Within Walking Distance.
Cabs are expensive. Provided you can walk, do so. Always have a decent bar within walking distance. You never know what's going to happen.
Rule #5: Take Your Pictures At the Beginning of the Night.
Oh, everyone looks so cute at the beginning of the night. So take the group pictures then! Do not wait until the mascara starts running and the hair ends up in a weird place. And the boys start removing their ties. Trust me. My friends and I seem to only take pictures after we've been drinking and if that picture up at the top didn't scare you, I've thankfully deleted all the ones that could.
And with that, all I can bid you is good luck on this glorious holiday or ... any day that you decide to go out and enjoy yourself.