Top Ten Ways to Be the Worst Blogger.

 photo WorstBlogger_zpsa7e5195a.png

1) Don't use Twitter.
Reaching out and connecting with other bloggers is overrated. And using it as a tool to promote your posts -- as if! Twitter is time consuming. It's not like you can schedule your posts via websites like Hootsuite to post for you while you're at work.

2) Never post pictures.
Readers will connect better with huge blocks of text without any visual distractions such as pictures of your dogs, babies, and food. Describing them in full James Joyce detail will go much further than actually showing your readers what you've been up to.

3) Never comment.
Don't comment on other blogs. Why should you help out other bloggers? This is a dog-eat-dog world! They won't return the favor anyway. And, if someone should comment on your blog, definitely do not reply. It adds to your mystery and will attract more readers. Nobody wants a meaningful connection with the blogger they've been following.

4) Blog design -- white text on an aqua background.
Your readers should have to work to see what you wrote. Don't make it easy for them or their eyes. If they really want to see your post, then they'll do the legwork for it.

5) About Me's are overrated.
As I mentioned earlier, you should be a mystery to your readers. They don't need to understand who these people are that you're blogging about. They'll figure out who your husband is after you mentioned "Joe" multiple times in one post. And as for new readers, they'll eventually get the gist of who you are after a few posts.

6) Ditch the calendar.
Never use an editorial calendar to help you plan your posts. Why should you keep track of things? Or plan? You'll figure it out.

7) Don't write anything down.
If you have an idea, don't write it down! Try really, really hard to remember it. It'll totally come back to you when you're sitting down to write out that post. I promise.

8) Do everything yourself.
Resources? Psh. Ignore those. If you see posts from other bloggers about their favorite blogging resources, don't bookmark it. It won't help you. You can find your own blogging sites. And, it's not like you need any tips from other bloggers. You've got this thing down to a science.

9) Pinterest won't help you.
Pinterest isn't going to drive any traffic to your blog, so don't even bother pinning your posts there. And since you're already avoiding pictures -- you don't have to bother making "pinnable" pictures. And, if you have a food blog, don't put any "Pin It" add-on's onto your site. Readers will save things to their bookmarks instead.

10) Don't join any communities.
This blog is all about you! Why are you joining communities of other bloggers? Tip #8 clearly states you need to do this alone. These communities won't offer you help or friends or great opportunities to meet people or make money. No good can come of joining blogging communities. If you wanted to be apart of a community, you wouldn't have started blogging in the first place.

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Somehow Chaotic. : Top Ten Ways to Be the Worst Blogger.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Top Ten Ways to Be the Worst Blogger.

 photo WorstBlogger_zpsa7e5195a.png

1) Don't use Twitter.
Reaching out and connecting with other bloggers is overrated. And using it as a tool to promote your posts -- as if! Twitter is time consuming. It's not like you can schedule your posts via websites like Hootsuite to post for you while you're at work.

2) Never post pictures.
Readers will connect better with huge blocks of text without any visual distractions such as pictures of your dogs, babies, and food. Describing them in full James Joyce detail will go much further than actually showing your readers what you've been up to.

3) Never comment.
Don't comment on other blogs. Why should you help out other bloggers? This is a dog-eat-dog world! They won't return the favor anyway. And, if someone should comment on your blog, definitely do not reply. It adds to your mystery and will attract more readers. Nobody wants a meaningful connection with the blogger they've been following.

4) Blog design -- white text on an aqua background.
Your readers should have to work to see what you wrote. Don't make it easy for them or their eyes. If they really want to see your post, then they'll do the legwork for it.

5) About Me's are overrated.
As I mentioned earlier, you should be a mystery to your readers. They don't need to understand who these people are that you're blogging about. They'll figure out who your husband is after you mentioned "Joe" multiple times in one post. And as for new readers, they'll eventually get the gist of who you are after a few posts.

6) Ditch the calendar.
Never use an editorial calendar to help you plan your posts. Why should you keep track of things? Or plan? You'll figure it out.

7) Don't write anything down.
If you have an idea, don't write it down! Try really, really hard to remember it. It'll totally come back to you when you're sitting down to write out that post. I promise.

8) Do everything yourself.
Resources? Psh. Ignore those. If you see posts from other bloggers about their favorite blogging resources, don't bookmark it. It won't help you. You can find your own blogging sites. And, it's not like you need any tips from other bloggers. You've got this thing down to a science.

9) Pinterest won't help you.
Pinterest isn't going to drive any traffic to your blog, so don't even bother pinning your posts there. And since you're already avoiding pictures -- you don't have to bother making "pinnable" pictures. And, if you have a food blog, don't put any "Pin It" add-on's onto your site. Readers will save things to their bookmarks instead.

10) Don't join any communities.
This blog is all about you! Why are you joining communities of other bloggers? Tip #8 clearly states you need to do this alone. These communities won't offer you help or friends or great opportunities to meet people or make money. No good can come of joining blogging communities. If you wanted to be apart of a community, you wouldn't have started blogging in the first place.

Labels: , ,

32 Comments:

At February 18, 2014 at 9:58 AM , Blogger Savanna said...

Love this post! All truth, follow these and you will indeed be the wrost blogger. Might I add - please also do not use spellcheck. It's the devil ;)

 
At February 18, 2014 at 7:48 PM , Blogger First Time Mama said...

I believe that some of these are great examples but I have to disagree with a few. I believe that interacting with other bloggers is healthy for your blog. You can swap post that others may find very interesting. I also believe that Pinterest has drove a lot of traffic to our site. We have gotten people looking for answers to questions that only people with experience can answer. I go to Pinterest for everything. Great post. I am the worst at grammar so my blogs are not always grammatically correct but I believe that leave a little unique quirk in the mix of things.

 
At February 19, 2014 at 9:20 AM , Blogger Julie@teachinggoodeaters said...

Great points made in a playful way! Two I definitely need to work on doing an about me and having an editorial calendar… perhaps I should make a calendar and then plan to do my about me ;)

 
At February 19, 2014 at 5:37 PM , Blogger Amy said...

So funny. I especially like "in full James Joyce detail!" Hahaha! All of my college professors hounded us: "say what you have to say in as few words as possible." I hear them in my sleep.

 
At February 20, 2014 at 10:57 AM , Blogger Jennifer Clay said...

Lol, good points. I always use pictures in my posts and love it when I get the opportunity to share pictures of my babies!

 
At February 20, 2014 at 8:28 PM , Blogger Rachel Lavern said...

I like the way you 'reverse' the top tips for blogging. Unfortunately, there are some people who need to see it in this manner.

Rachel recently wrote Using the Oreo Cookie to Get Clients

 
At February 20, 2014 at 8:32 PM , Blogger Skirt Fixation said...

Love the sarcasm! I see you're putting #3 to good use! (Wink wink!)

 
At February 20, 2014 at 9:17 PM , Blogger Jasmine said...

Great points! I need to be more consistent on all of these things!

 
At February 21, 2014 at 12:01 PM , Blogger Bernadette Merikle, M.Ed said...

Thankfully I'm just a bad blogger, but not the worst (smile).
Some of the above just don't fit for me - like with any list. Rather than try to rocket to success by checking off all the boxes, I always try to pick out the 2 - 3 really great things and rock the world out of them. To that, I need to make my about me page more accessible (smile). I don't have to be so secretive about who I am... LOVED your approach to this post. I'm sure there are lots of folks googling how to be the worst blogger (smile). Or at least they should be.

 
At February 21, 2014 at 3:24 PM , Blogger April said...

Okay, so there are a few things I need to work on :-). All in good time, I like Julie's idea - I need to work on the editorial calendar so I can plan the others and have one place to write it all down.

 
At February 22, 2014 at 11:00 AM , Blogger Melanie Reynolds said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At February 22, 2014 at 11:02 AM , Blogger Melanie Reynolds said...

Love your post! Especially #2. Because readers just adore posts that go ON.....and ON....and ON....preferably in long paragraphs, with no breaks.

Awesome sense of humor!

Wren from FinchnWren.com

 
At February 22, 2014 at 1:16 PM , Blogger Yolanda Rooney said...

HAHA! This post is awesome! Aaaand, time to go through and see which crimes I'm committing in the blogasphere :) Thanks for the tips and for keeping it lighthearted! :)

 
At February 22, 2014 at 9:58 PM , Blogger Tracy @ Using Time Wisely said...

Guess I'm a bad blogger as a couple apply, but I'll take it because it is working. I did enjoy your sense of humor in handling these issues. I would add not using paragraphs or spell check to your list.

 
At February 23, 2014 at 9:02 PM , Blogger Ces said...

Love the sarcasm! This beats the Top 10 How to's that I see all the time.

 
At February 24, 2014 at 1:43 AM , Blogger Author said...

This is a good list as you cover all the main areas that can help a blogger. Ironically I'm in the midst of a series on my site that's about blogging old school. No pictures. No YouTube videos. Just vast tracks of text. But I believe in the concept so I'm going with it.

 
At February 24, 2014 at 10:22 AM , Blogger Becky hifromhi said...

Bwa ha ha! Love it. I'm a new blogger too, so this post was helpful! Thanks

 
At February 24, 2014 at 12:54 PM , Blogger Miranda Couse said...

There's nothing like some good sarcasm. You're right on about everything though. Great job!

 
At February 24, 2014 at 4:26 PM , Blogger Jill Shepherd said...

Some great points there - and made in a different way to usual!

 
At February 25, 2014 at 4:10 PM , Blogger Shelah T said...

Great points to remember! I don't have a Twitter and I found myself urged to make one a few times in the past. Hmmm. I can feel that urge again right about now.. :)

 
At February 25, 2014 at 5:40 PM , Blogger Amanda said...

I laughed out loud! Many times! Great truths... all I am working on. Funny stuff!

 
At February 25, 2014 at 7:27 PM , Blogger Marie Dittmer said...

Some great points in a fun format. I know I need to work on a couple of these - like an editorial calendar. I need to redo my About page too. Thanks for sharing!

 
At February 25, 2014 at 8:40 PM , Blogger Woot! Makeup said...

100% true. I love how you wrote it. Thanks for the tips! ;)

 
At February 26, 2014 at 8:22 AM , Blogger Alyssa said...

Haha! This is too funny! Definitely laughing while I read this!

 
At February 26, 2014 at 9:43 AM , Blogger Lori said...

Love it! Sarcasm at its finest, but a great tool to get a point across. Still need to work on a few of these myself.. point taken!

 
At February 26, 2014 at 10:35 AM , Blogger Carol said...

I just started my blog.....thanks for the great reminder that I need to make getting my about page done a priority :)

 
At February 26, 2014 at 2:52 PM , Blogger Jill Jankoski said...

A girl after my own heart! I LOVE THIS POST! Great suggestions. Will definitely share! And follow you. Sarcasm is my 2nd language. :)

 
At February 26, 2014 at 5:07 PM , Blogger Tina Brockett said...

What fun! Thanks so much for a great post. Although I have Pinterest, I have never put my posts out there. Everywhere else mind you, but not there.

I love learning something new. Thanks for a fun read.

 
At February 26, 2014 at 7:39 PM , Blogger Val said...

Cute lol I fought pinterest for a long time. Only because so many were addicted to it. I was worried about finding something new that I would get addicted to and spend way too much time on it. As a foodie blog it's a MUST! I get so much traffic from it.

 
At February 27, 2014 at 2:29 PM , Blogger Christine Boulware said...

So...I am destined to improve because I was actually guilty of a couple of these...thank you!!

 
At February 27, 2014 at 9:17 PM , Blogger GFGal Cynthia said...

Love this! Totally got a kick out of it. I have a couple things still to work on, but my blog is still just a baby... will be 1 at the end of March.

 
At March 2, 2014 at 12:07 PM , Blogger Cindy said...

This is wonderful! I definitely need to work on pinterest. I'm slowly trying to work on twitter and facebook. Pinterest is next on my list.

 

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