1) Don't use Twitter.
Reaching out and connecting with other bloggers is overrated. And using it as a tool to promote your posts -- as if! Twitter is time consuming. It's not like you can schedule your posts via websites like Hootsuite to post for you while you're at work.
2) Never post pictures.
Readers will connect better with huge blocks of text without any visual distractions such as pictures of your dogs, babies, and food. Describing them in full James Joyce detail will go much further than actually showing your readers what you've been up to.
3) Never comment.
Don't comment on other blogs. Why should you help out other bloggers? This is a dog-eat-dog world! They won't return the favor anyway. And, if someone should comment on your blog, definitely do not reply. It adds to your mystery and will attract more readers. Nobody wants a meaningful connection with the blogger they've been following.
4) Blog design -- white text on an aqua background.
Your readers should have to work to see what you wrote. Don't make it easy for them or their eyes. If they really want to see your post, then they'll do the legwork for it.
5) About Me's are overrated.
As I mentioned earlier, you should be a mystery to your readers. They don't need to understand who these people are that you're blogging about. They'll figure out who your husband is after you mentioned "Joe" multiple times in one post. And as for new readers, they'll eventually get the gist of who you are after a few posts.
6) Ditch the calendar.
Never use an editorial calendar to help you plan your posts. Why should you keep track of things? Or plan? You'll figure it out.
7) Don't write anything down.
If you have an idea, don't write it down! Try really, really hard to remember it. It'll totally come back to you when you're sitting down to write out that post. I promise.
8) Do everything yourself.
Resources? Psh. Ignore those. If you see posts from other bloggers about their favorite blogging resources, don't bookmark it. It won't help you. You can find your own blogging sites. And, it's not like you need any tips from other bloggers. You've got this thing down to a science.
9) Pinterest won't help you.
Pinterest isn't going to drive any traffic to your blog, so don't even bother pinning your posts there. And since you're already avoiding pictures -- you don't have to bother making "pinnable" pictures. And, if you have a food blog, don't put any "Pin It" add-on's onto your site. Readers will save things to their bookmarks instead.
10) Don't join any communities.
This blog is all about you! Why are you joining communities of other bloggers? Tip #8 clearly states you need to do this alone. These communities won't offer you help or friends or great opportunities to meet people or make money. No good can come of joining blogging communities. If you wanted to be apart of a community, you wouldn't have started blogging in the first place.
Labels: advice, blog stuff, lists