Trying To Learn from Teenage Kaileigh.

Fifteen year old Kaileigh. 

The other day, I made a mistake. I read my Livejournal entries from when I was 16-18.

Woah.

It put me in a funk.

I allowed myself to be walked all over in relationships. I was disrespectful to the people that actually cared about me. I put so much of myself in a relationship that was doomed (and I knew it). I bragged about my failures and saw them as rites of passage, refusing to learn from them. And, I lied. A lot.

There were a lot of posts about "how happy" I was. And then, the next post would say something like, "I've been miserable since January." It was like I didn't know myself enough to know my own emotions.

There was a lot more. A lot more. And I started crying. Out of embarrassment that I acted that way. Out of sadness for the things that happened. For a lot of reasons.

I battle with depression. And, sometimes I think I'm doing better emotionally than I really am. This sudden interest in nostalgia was a bad idea.

I know we all make mistakes when we're young, but sometimes it's hard to look back and be okay with that. Especially when we're still trying to better ourselves.

WEEKLY ROUND UP // 23.

Have I not explained how much working six days a week sucks? Can we just call the month of July a bust? I haven't kept up with my diet. I haven't worked out. I haven't blogged. I've been a slug of a human. Aggressively being lazy. It's too hot to do anything and then I get so sad I'm not doing anything so I eat more. Vicious cycle. But hey, I finished watching Orange is the New Black, so there's always that.

Here are some things from the internet to make up for me being a bum.

- 28 Possible Sharknado Sequels. A must read.

- The cutest nerd engagement pictures.

- I love genderswapped cosplays.

- How many years did it take for this response to come? Thanks internet!

- I won't be watching Breaking Bad...I'll be watching this:

 

WEEKENDS: Peanut Turns One.

Work has been insane lately -- I'm working 6 days a week. And then, when I am off, I'm with my family. Two weekends in a row of family time. Wow.

FRIDAY // I worked and then when I came home, my nephew came over to spend the weekend with us. Mike ended up coming over too. We all went swimming together, which I think wore me out more than it did Peanut. 

SATURDAY // I worked some more and then had more Peanut time -- a lot of Mickey Mouse and swimming. 

SUNDAY // More work! I came home, played with Peanut, got ready, and then it was time for Peanut's first birthday. 

It was a fun weekend, but I was exhausted by Monday. 

Swimming Peanut // On the way to the party.

Pinterest Mickey Mouse cupcakes.

Mike.

My brother and I smiling...together. 

Baby sister getting caked.

Birthday Boy.

Happy Birthday, Peanut! 

The Time I Met My Future Husband ... Except Not.

While now I'm a taken woman, it wasn't too long ago that I was single and trying to mingle. Trying. I want to stress the trying part because I was not doing well. I'm a terrible single person and I had a bad habit of just falling for anyone.

When I was in DC last year, I was hanging out with a friend of mine and we hit up a really cute French restaurant. Afterwards, we headed down to the Metro. And there, I saw the man of my dreams. He had on an American flag shirt, American flag pants, and cowboy boots. And, to top it off, he had the biggest hickey I've ever seen on his neck. This sight for sore eyes was too drunk to even put his ticket in the reader. My knees went weak.

My friend, being the upstanding guy he is, helped American Flag Guy. And, American Flag Guy was so grateful that he ended up inviting us to go to Virginia with him. "YES!" I responded and my friend gave me that friendly stare of "Shut up or I'm going to seriously hurt you." My friend declined and American Flag Guy looked at me and said, "You're missing out."

As we walked away, I told my friend, "That man could have been my husband. You just let my future husband go to Virginia. I could be married now."

"Getting married to him would have been the least of your problems if I let you go with him to Virginia."



Ok. So, maybe I had terrible taste in men. But I still tell that story and remind everyone that I could be married now. And everyone tells me that I'd probably be dead in Virginia by now. Different perspectives.

WEEKENDS // The One Where I Decided to be a People.

After missing out on everything last weekend, I knew I wanted to be at least a little sociable this weekend.

Friday-- After work, I should have gone to the gym, but my knee was bothering me (Excuses, I know) and I just ended up napping. I woke up from my nap and had to immediately deal with family stuff. And then, I quickly realized it was super late and I had plans. Got ready and zoomed on down to my boyfriend's place so we could go out and see our friend who just moved back home. I had a blast and it was great to go out, see friends, and just get my mind off everything else that's been going on in my life. We left around 11 and I kind of wanted to go to bed, but we ended up watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix. Two episodes in and I'm definitely feeling it.

One of Mike's visitors. 

Saturday-- Saturday morning was amazing. Mike has his LSAT class every other Saturday morning, so he woke up around 8:30 to go to class and he let the dogs out of his room (He's been watching his parents' dogs this week). And I fell back asleep and had the entire bed to myself. It was so peaceful. I woke up around 11:30, grabbed some breakfast and tea, and then crushed some candy until he came back. His parents picked up the dogs and then I decided we had to be people. It was my only day off during the weekend and I didn't want to waste it by sleeping all day. So, we ran to Target to return a skirt -- Why can't I find a good maxi skirt? Please, someone help me. Then we ran to the Thirsty Lion for some lunch.

Here's the thing. I've been having a hard time keeping with my diet lately. I'm super stressed out and I love stress eating. So, I eat shitty foods (chicken fingers, pizzas, tons of cookies, etc.) and then I feel like shit and my stomach hurts and I think, "Why did I do that?" Saturday really solidified for me that I have to get back on track with my diet. Not just to lose weight, but I feel so much better when I'm eating healthy.

Anyway, then we ran to Old Navy on the search for that apparently elusive maxi skirt and I ended up with two new shorts and a shirt. We went to Casey Moore's and my stomach hurt so bad that I just stuck with water. We hung out for a bit, I went home, and then I got my mom to start watching Orange is the New Black. I had to go to bed early though because I had to get up at the buttcrack of dawn on Sunday for work. Boo.

They're all adorable, but not that much fun to share a bed with. Sorry guys.

Finally got to try the Leinenkugel Lemon Berry Summer Shandy and it's delicious -- even better than the original Summer Shandy. 

Sunday-- Sunday was the beginning of my hell week at work / a terrible day. I had to work and then I had some not fun family things to do, which resulted in me getting incredibly drunk at my boyfriend's house and crying about how terrible things are. Yeah, not a whole lot of fun.

Monday-- My only day off this week! So, how did I spend it? Sleeping until 1 pm, pizza, and Orange is the New Black.

Ok, so maybe I was only a person for two days this weekend and then it took an immediate turn for the worst, but we all can't be on everyday, can we?
What did you do this weekend? Let me know in the comments!

WEEKLY ROUND UP // 22.

- A good, comprehensive list. I've read 5 of these books to read in your 20's. I have 6 and a half more years to finish it up.

- Not like I'd even make this (I am completely unable to DIY anything cute), but I like it. I mean, look at these instructions and how many tools there are to use! That's bad news waiting to happen for me.

                                      source: Instructables.

- If you #StandWithWendy, you ought to get this shirt. 50% of the proceeds are being donated to Planned Parenthood to help fight for women in Texas.

                                                            source: teespring.  

- I usually like to include sites that make me happy, but if you want to get angry -- check out Public Shaming. Basically, it's terrible people saying terrible things on Twitter.

- Banana egg waffles? Sounds intriguing and I can even share with the GF boyfriend!

- Now, this is a DIY project I can get behind: Decorative Power Cords.

- Remember to Like Somehow Chaotic on Facebook.

SUMMER BEERS.

It's no secret I love beers. And, I really love seasonal beers (See all the pumpkin beers I love). I apparently missed that Spring beer selection, but trust me, I've got summer covered.

1)

Lime-A-Rita

Don't let the "Bud Light" part scare you. This is actually incredibly refreshing. The cans are a little small, but with 8% alcohol, who really cares? I don't really taste the beer part of it. Pro-Tip: Put it over ice. It tastes better. There's also a Strawberry version that is heavenly -- and I don't even like strawberries.

RATING: 10/10. Delicious, refreshing. Perfect for sitting on the patio during the summer.

2)

Angry Orchard Apple Ginger Cider

So, this one isn't a beer, but it has alcohol. And, maybe you can tell by my face that I wasn't feeling this one. At all. I love Angry Orchard Cider (Or, as I call it, Angry Birds!). So, when I saw a variety pack, I immediately picked it up. I took one sip and thought, "What the hell is this?" It was terrible. Awful. So, I made my boyfriend finish it.

RATING: 0/10. Stick to the original.

3)

Leinenkugel Summer Shandy

This is beer and lemonade mixed together. What could go wrong? Nothing. I absolutely adore this beer and I've grabbed a few six packs after work so far. I tried it last year for the first time and I was so excited for it to return to me this summer.

RATING: 10/10. Super refreshing.

4)

Blue Moon Agave Nectar Ale

This was hyped up to me. I had a few different people tell me, "This is the best summer beer. You have to try it." I kept forgetting to grab a summer variety pack of Blue Moon from the store, but at a recent party, I saw a bottle and grabbed it. I was so excited and when I took that first sip, my first reaction was "Oh." It tastes just like any old boring beer. There is no sweetness like I anticipated. I couldn't even finish it.
RATING: 1/10. Boring. Not worth the money.

I love trying new beers. What summer beers should I go out and get? Let me know in the comments.

Cheers! 

RECENTLY READ: World War Z

World War Z - Max Brooks

I obviously read this because the movie came out and after hearing reviews of the movie, I don't think I will. Basically, if you haven't heard, the movie is nothing like the book. It's just "Hey, Brad Pitt is gonna fight some zombies! That are fast! Politics!" And, I do love me some Brad Pitt, but I don't feel like spending money on that.

The book, however, is really good. It's better than it had any right to be, actually. Zombie books are, let's face it, pretty lame. I thought we all got over zombies around 2006.

I think I just really like the style of this book. It's just short little stories about how people handled the war. And, they're really well written. Some of them have little twists. Some of them are sad. But, for the most part, they're all good. And hey, if you totally hate one, you could probably skip it because there is no true plot to this book.

Should You Read It? Sure. If you want to see the movie and then gripe about how the two are nothing alike, please do. If you want to enjoy the movie without feeling the need to complain endlessly that it's not like the book, then don't. And, if you're like me and have no intention of seeing the movie, go ahead and read it. It's pretty short and actually, pretty good.

23 for 23 -- Goal #3 - 21/50. 

WEEKENDS // The One Where I Was Miserable and Mean.

An old picture of my brother that accurately depicts my feelings about this weekend. 

Just a quick recap on the events of last week.
On Monday, I wasn't feeling well. I had plans to visit my friend and her baby, but I just felt super off so I cancelled. By Tuesday, I was totally fine and even went to the gym and ran. Wednesday, my boyfriend's parents were in town and we all went to dinner at Fogo de Chao. And on the car ride home, my stomach hurt, but I figured that I had just ate too much.
Nooooope.

I spent my Fourth of July in bed with a fever and terrible, terrible stomach cramps. And Friday, I left work about three hours early because all I did was sit and cry. So, Friday was totally wasted.

Saturday, I was feeling much better -- physically. But I don't know man, I just felt mean and angry. I went out and I just felt rotten the entire time.

Even on Sunday, I was feeling nasty. I'm writing this on Sunday night and I just don't know what's wrong with me. So, sorry to everyone that has to deal with me.

So, what a bust of a weekend.

WEEKLY ROUND UP // 20.

Where have these been, man? I've really been slacking on my internetting -- I opened my computer and I only had three tabs open. Who have I become?

- Check out how historical figures would look today. I'm loving Shakespeare.

- What do I do when I'm at home and hormonal and I want to cry? I look at all these adorable babies on Tiny Buttons and sob over their shoes. THEIR SHOES. THEY'RE SO SMALL.

- I can't wait to get drunk on some Downton Abbey wine.

- NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO. Why are you ruining my favorite character?

- The most intellectual jokes:

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

-  Nope. Wouldn't watch it.

- And, more Game of Thrones related stuff because how could I not share this with you?

 

QUEST TO ... BECOMING MORE ACTIVE UPDATES.

It's been about three months since I originally decided to get serious about becoming more active. And, despite the fact that I haven't really blogged about it, I've really buckled down on everything. I'm super excited to talk about my goals (which I updated on back in May too!). 

1) Finish Couch to 5K -- IN PROGRESS. Still. I know. I've had some setbacks. I've gone on vacation, but I honestly feel that with my new running shoes, I'll really be able to finish this goal. Someday. 

2) Do More Activities with my Boyfriend -- IN PROGRESS. We're trying. One morning, we got up early and walked around Tempe Town Lake. That was a thing. And we just recently got some bikes that we're trying to fix up so we can ride on the weekends. We also have plans to go hiking soon. This one is finally starting to see the light of day. 

3) Keep a Log  -- WELLL.... I try. I really do.

4) Get my Mile Time Down -- CHECK! With my new running shoes, my mile time dropped immensely. I'd like to see it go down some more though -- I'm hoping for a 9 minute mile soon. 

5) Run 3x/Week and Full Body Work-Out 2x/Week -- IN PROGRESS. Some days have been really hard to get to the gym, but I'm finally really getting back in the swing of things.

And now, for some NEW GOALS: 

1) Sign up for a 5K. I felt so accomplished after running my first 5K back in December. I would love to do it again and do it well this time. Now that I know I can handle it -- I want to push myself to a better time. I definitely want to wait until the weather cools down, but I need to start looking for races in my area.

2) Incorporate More Exercises Into My Workout. I already feel stagnated with some of my exercises at the gym and I want to learn other exercises to incorporate into my workouts. This just require the research.

3) Go Rock-Climbing Again. I loved rock climbing when I went and I think it's such an awesome way to be active and have fun at the same time.

I'm super excited that I am making progress and I have actually lost 8 pounds! from working out and counting calories. 

RECENTLY READ: Maphead

Maphead: Charting the Wide, Weird World of Geography Wonks -- Ken Jennings

First off, let me just stop you right there. I know, it looks incredibly boring. A book. About maps. But, hear me out on this one -- it was really well written and interesting. It wasn't like, "A map of America created in 1780 first showed this ..." It's so much more than that.

We all know (or we should all know) Ken Jennings from Jeopardy! fame. He's the guy that won a lot in the early 2000's -- now do you remember him? He's a very interesting person and his writing style is informative and personable. He incorporates little tidbits into his writing that make you feel like you're just talking with the guy. I love that in some non-fiction books -- sometimes, especially in subjects that I'm not super familiar with, I want to feel a more personal connection with the author and I definitely feel that in this book.

The book takes a deeper look at people that just love maps. And surprisingly  there are a lot of people out there that fit that description. Jennings feels that a love of maps is a secret thing -- something that people hide, but once he admitted it, he found a lot of others that felt the same way he did. He talks to kids in geography bees, geocachers, and map collectors. The book is about so much more than just maps.

I cannot wait to read his other books, like Because I Said So! His writing style really impressed me. 

Should You Read This? Yes! I cannot stop recommending this book and everyone looks at me like I have a third eye. But trust me on this one, it's definitely worth it. 

23 for 23 - Goal #3 - 20/50

SIX THINGS I AM LOVING:

I love lists. And I love things. So, here's both of those...combined!

1) Candy Crush. Love? Hm. I guess sometimes. This game has become the bane of my existence. If you are not playing right now, DON'T DO IT. You will get sucked in and lose the will to do anything else. Until you run out of lives. Then you will sit and beg your friends to help you like an addict.

2) Thinking about Breaking Bad. Apparently, we have to wait until August 11th for the last part of the final season. I have all the feelings about this show and I am on the edge of my seat for the finale.

3) My boyfriend. This is a given, I guess. But he's been so awesome lately.

4) My new running shoes! SERIOUSLY. These bad boys have cut down my mile time by probably 3 minutes. I had no idea how much my old shoes were holding me back. I feel like I'm running on air now. 

5) Matching bikes! My boyfriend bought us matching bikes -- that we haven't even had the chance to ride yet because we need new tires and the tires have to be specially ordered and ... it's a whole thing. But, I'm so excited to wake up early on the weekends and ride around Tempe Town Lake with him. 

6) Losing weight! Since I started counting calories about three weeks ago, I've lost 8 pounds! I'm so proud of myself and I feel so accomplished. Even though I've had some slip-ups (example: Vegas), I feel like it's a lifestyle change and that makes it a lot harder. I've been going to the gym a lot too and I'm excited to keep losing those pounds, man. 

What are you loving right now? Let me know in the comments! 

WEEKENDS: The Time We Had A Fancy Party. Again.

This weekend was one of the best I've had in a long time. I was lucky enough to have the entire weekend off. Friday night, I went over to Mike's house and we ate dinner and watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit? And, surprisingly, I stayed awake throughout the entire movie -- a first for me! Usually, movies put me right to sleep, but this time, Mike was the one snoring on the couch. Victory!

We woke up on Saturday and got some coffee. And, before we knew it, we were both asleep on the couch in front of the fan. This 117 degree weather makes everyone tired. And cranky. It was an incredibly low key day and then we got ready for our friend Scott's birthday party. 

It was an awesome party and we all love getting dressed up. The only thing that sucked was hot it was, but that's summer in Arizona.

And of course, Sunday, I dealt with a hangover since I clearly can't drink like I used to. I think this weekend was a success despite almost melting a few times.

Dress: H&M

Looking fancy.