Fifteen year old Kaileigh.
The other day, I made a mistake. I read my Livejournal entries from when I was 16-18.
Woah.
It put me in a funk.
I allowed myself to be walked all over in relationships. I was disrespectful to the people that actually cared about me. I put so much of myself in a relationship that was doomed (and I knew it). I bragged about my failures and saw them as rites of passage, refusing to learn from them. And, I lied. A lot.
There were a lot of posts about "how happy" I was. And then, the next post would say something like, "I've been miserable since January." It was like I didn't know myself enough to know my own emotions.
There was a lot more. A lot more. And I started crying. Out of embarrassment that I acted that way. Out of sadness for the things that happened. For a lot of reasons.
I battle with depression. And, sometimes I think I'm doing better emotionally than I really am. This sudden interest in nostalgia was a bad idea.
I know we all make mistakes when we're young, but sometimes it's hard to look back and be okay with that. Especially when we're still trying to better ourselves.Labels: personal
